Miss Chili's Hot Stuff

I'm going to put this question out there, just in case: is there anything you want to know about me?

Ask away, and I will try to answer in the best way I can...

Really, that's all I want to know is what energy is and where is mine?

I felt like hell a couple of days ago, in the thing with the pushcart, and I felt better yesterday, at least a little bit, but today, I just don't know where my energy is.

I am very much looking forward to Per coming home from work because then I won't be all alone any longer, because all this aloneness is driving me mad.

First, yay! I found my pink bathrobe! Of course, I probably was the one to hide it on the back of that door, back in last autumn or so. But, yay! I found you, pink bathrobe!

Second, I really wanted to lie down and be dead yesterday because of my adventure with a box of books and a handcart. I didn't and wasn't, but I wanted it very dearly. But I donated a large box of books to the American Women's Club in Copenhagen for the flea market sale this weekend. Er, sort of a yard sale or something I can't think of what it's called, in any language. But I was so damn happy to be without that box of books, but I really wanted to fling that damn handcart down the elevator shaft when I was done.

Third, you should definitely read this story: Space-Time for Springers by Fritz Lieber. It is a mystery classic story printed in the September 2009 issue of Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine. Here is how it starts:

Gummitch was a superkitten as he knew very well, with an I.Q. of about 160. Of course, he didn't talk. But everybody knows that I.Q. tests based on language ability are very one-sided. Besides, he would talk as soon as they started setting a place for him at table and pouring him coffee.

Oh! This is a wonderful story! I lovelovelove it! And if any of you haven't read it, you should!

Okay, I think I am going insane.

This is probably not news to some of you, since you probably thought that already.

But, SERIOUSLY! I am going so nuts because of the fucking airplanes today.

I'm not sure why, but apparently, the airplanes either coming to or going from Copenhagen airport are going a different way today than usual.

Or else I really am insane and just never noticed the planes before.

Seriously, the weather is okay, so why are the airplanes diverted?

And why in the love of fuck are airplanes not quieter?????

I was just reading up on my new drugs, which give me a little perk in my day, and which, according to something I found on Google, are from "a unique class called Eugeroics, which literally means good arousal."

Good arousal. Hmmm, that works for me.

Double works for me because I need a little perk in my day nowadays. But it doesn't hurt to be aroused, either! Rowr!

Did you know that Gale used to be in SCA, particularly as a Viking? Yes, Gale used to be called Sigrid Thorvaldsdottir, and she used to dress as a Viking woman with jewelry and everything!

I miss having something big going on with friends, but I can't particularly say that I need SCA stuff. Per would absolutely shit if I tried to do Viking stuff again very often, and I don't want to deal with his shitting. *ahem*

My background, as Gale, not as Sigrid, is in archaeology, so you know someone who really tries to bring this stuff back to life. Not only would I dress up as a Viking woman in the weekends, but I used to dig up stuff out of the ground. Sadly, it wasn't Viking stuff, but only because I was involved with an even older find than the Vikings.

Per and I have recently been going through the basement to try to clean up things, and my wardrobe from my SCA stuff is hanging out down there. I haven't done any of this stuff in, what, four years, so I guess it's behind me now. Still, I have a bunch of dresses and things that can go to someone who still does the historical stuff.

I am trying to find someone, anyone, in Denmark who is willing to take this big bag o' stuff, but I haven't found any group yet. I'm trying Sweden, but god help me if I try to get Finland involved. Sheeee-yow.

Just to add a little bit of flavor, I made sure that my Viking woman photo was up on this post!

Due to taking some new medication (dopamine, but I don't remember the actual name of the drug, not that it matters much), I feel REALLY GOOD! Once it hit me, it really hit. I feel darn good. Damned good, even! And I get to keep taking this drug once a day!

I have some energy! Woohoo!!!

Per and I went out and sat outside near the water, got bagel sandwiches (mine was pastrami on a cheddar-jalapeno bagel) and enjoyed the sun!

Wow, I have only put one period in this darn post so far, so I am going to end on one now.

Turns out that I look good wearing orange! Who knew? That's not a question, but a comment that I had no idea earlier that I could look good in orange.

Anybody else wear orange?

Hmmm... Maybe I'll get more than the one orange t-shirt!

That's about all I have to say right now, just that I would please like to have some energy. That's about all I have, is to beg for some energy, and I don't even know who to ask. Some of you might suggest God, and don't believe that I haven't tried. Shit, now my father is reading this and probably wondering what kind of girl he raised that God won't answer her prayers, or at least he's being quiet and not saying a darn thing on this point. I guess that is the way this goes, and I'll keep hoping and praying for the best and, please, a little energy?

Today, I started on new medication, which means that my days of injecting myself daily are behind me, where they belong. Really not much fun, I have to tell you, so I am so happy that I have new meds!

I have to get an infusion once a month or so, and that's all. No more of this injection every day thing. I get an infusion for about an hour, then I wait an hour to show that I'm okay after getting it, and I'm done for another month or so. Whew!

We'll see how my body does with this medication, that's all I can say. Oh please let this be The One for me!

Good god, I wish I had gotten these Coco Pops sooner than I had, because they taste really good!

Feeling like I had a little energy, I got dressed and took my cane for a walk outside.

I walked down to the supermarket for some ice cream. Ben & Jerry's, like all good ice cream is, was there waiting for me.

So I got two pint containers, one for Per and one for me.

That took out most of my energy.

Walking home took the rest, as did putting away the ice cream in the freezer.

God, I am tired. But there is ice cream waiting for Per as a surprise!

There I was the other day, having a meeting with a doctor about my MS, and I had gotten a letter in the mail before we left that said that I should come to the hospital in late July to get Tysabri. That is the medicine that is supposedly heaven for people with MS like me. However, we appealed to the doctor, saying that who knows how bad off I would be before the end of July, and she moved me up in the schedule to the first of July. Woohoo!

This is good because I won't have to give myself a shot of medicine every day, but instead get an infusion once a month. A lot better. And it is, according to reading I've been doing, a really good thing for those of us with MS.

So, Gale will get new medicine on the first of July, which is next Wednesday! Everyone should wish Gale lots of good things between now and then, pleasepleaseplease.

Good god, I can't believe that it's been so long since I posted anything at all here.

Just a quick, short note to say thank you all for thinking of me. I had another MS treatment here at the hospital, which gave me a bit more energy, but I'm a little worried about how long it will last, since prior treatments didn't seem to last for a very long time.

But here I am, and that is about all I can say right now. I love all of you who love me back!

That is a very good question, and not one I have an easy answer for.

You see, Gale is scared. Gale is frightened that she's going to get another attack before much time has passed, like this last one, in the matter of days or weeks.

Gale doesn't know what to say or do most of the time, mostly because she is so scared of being too happy and somehow bringing on another attack.

Gale can't quite see straight yet but is hoping to God that it comes soon, but she's too scared to ask God for anything at the moment.

Gale is frustrated and scared, very scared.

Wow, how the hell did that happen?

Gale was at the horsepital earlier today getting her third of three infusions. For a bit of time, she has a little energy.

Let me say instead that I have a little energy. Who knows how long it will last. That's not a question, as I don't expect anyone to have an answer, so that is the way that shit goes.

In the meantime, while I have energy, I don't have much brainpower. Again, shit goes there.

Also, I don't feel like doing much other than crying, even though I haven't at all yet. But again ... shit, there, hm.

Just don't stress me out, because it seems like stress brings on another pile of this shit.

There was Gale this afternoon after getting her second of third infusions of her anti-MS meds. Um, don't ask me what they are because I can't remember shit.

So, Per is in London on a business trip right now, and I have been awake since he woke up this morning about 5 am, and I just have NOT been able to go back to sleep.

Per's father took me to the hospital for my infusion, and I locked the door when I left, putting the key into my relatively new handbag.

Actually, first, Per's father took me to the place I was having an MRI for my brain, just to check that I still have one, I suppose. After that, we had about an hour between the time we finished and the time we had to be at the hospital for my second infusion.

What did we do with our time? We did a very American thing: we had lunch at McDonalds! I have to admit that it was my great desire to have a Quarter Pounder and a chocolate shake. Fries, I don't much care about, but I ate about five of them anyway. Per's father had a Big Mac, since I was treating!

Then Per's father took me to the horsepital so that I could get my infusion. He didn't just take me to the outside of the building and drop me off -- no, he parked the car and walked me where I needed to be. This is where Per gets his manners, I'll tell you.

Okay, go forward a couple of hours, when I have finished getting my infusion, had a taxi called for me -- no, I was NOT going to make Per's father wait for two hours for me to get my infusion! -- and the taxi driver came up inside to get me. Then the taxi driver drove me home.

I got home, let myself in the front door, and put my key somewhere. Somewhere. SOMEGODDAMNWHERE.

It wasn't until later that I was hunting down my key, and I cannot even remember right now why the hell I was hunting the key down.

But I looked. In my purse, all around the place where my purse lives, in the bathroom, in the bedroom, in the living room ... in everywhere I could imagine has a name. No key found.

I put the thought mostly aside for a while when two friends came over -- when one of them cooked a delicious dinner and the other one cleaned up all the dishes, including a lot that had nothing to do with dinner! -- but then I started hunting after they left.

I found the goddamn key.

Where was it?

The key was in my purse.

The key had been placed in a heretofore-unknown-of pocket.

See, I ordered this bag online at Etsy. It was large, could fit several books, had extra pockets for mobile phone and various things.

The thing was that there were two pockets that were placed in a very out-of-the-way spot so that they could not be accessed by a random purse-discovery-person.

It was this very day that my hand discovered the pocketses, placed the door key into one of them and set my purse away, like every day.

Gale has many pocketses. Many many many.

Yes, it looks like either I am having another MS attack or didn't get over my last attack. This is really frustrating, because there is so much I don't know. However, I am getting another three-day infusion of steroidal stuff, so I hope to God that this helps me -- please, God, pleasepleaseplease let this help.

I had my first day of steroidal stuff today, so I'll be in the horsepital again tomorrow and the next day. Unfortunately, it won't be Per taking me there, as he is off to London for a work trip, so his father is taking me instead. So nice that I don't have to take a taxi, really really nice.

There are such frustrating thoughts going through my head, like all I want is to cry or to die, I swear this is so damn damn damn frustrating, all of it. I don't know why I have this damn disease, and I hope to God that I can get past it with the medications that they are giving me.

Please think good thoughts in my direction -- that is Copenhagen, naturellement -- that is all I ask of you. Please please please. Thank you!

Seriously, I think I need to limit my periods. Not the ones that end sentences, but the ones that almost end my life. I mean the monthly ones, of course.

The other day, I got my period. A normal occurrence, yes, but I got depressed. Beyond depressed, into the region where I was considering suicide, but I just didn't know how I would do such a thing.

Instead of doing anything awful, I got Per's help and called the doctors. Various doctors, which I won't even list here because I can't remember off the top of my head which ones. Um.

I moved my psychologist appointment to today, though it was supposed to be two weeks from now. And I got an appointment with my regular doctor for tomorrow, which was the soonest he could do it. Per is continuing to help me by phoning doctors for me today, which has more to do with my MS than depression, even though the two things are linked up pretty well, at least in my brain.

Back to the periods. I do take the pill, that is The Pill, and I think I need to stop stop taking it for a week every month. I think that having my period is what drives me into a deep, black depression, and I think they need to fucking stop.

This morning, I have a little bit of energy. I haven't done anything else with it yet, except to read things online, which I plan to share with you all because I love you all so much.

First, we have a great cartoon, which I think is funny on a regular basis, not just today, but this has some good things to say about irony and vegetarianism.

Second, we have an excellent essay about designing books and making sure they are readable and, most importantly, how David Foster Wallace figured into the design of his own books. I really love that author, and I am terribly sad that he killed himself, but that is the way that it goes. I only wish I knew what books he still had in himself what he died.

Third... No, there is no third. I do what I can, and I have no third, but that is the way that it goes.

Yes, there is a third! I was looking up Tempest because I used to really enjoy their music! And so here is a link for it so that you all can enjoy it, too!